Should just enjoy without expectations

This is been quite a rough week, I must admit.

First, falling sick after a party hard weekend (totally worth falling sick for? Not so sure... retching is seriously not fun). Could not really sleep on Sunday night as I was retching every hour... I would literally be woken up from sleep just to salivate immensely with nothing coming up. H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E. It constantly happened till nearly dawn. In between was added toilet runs. NOT FUN. Woke up the next morning with a fever and had to skip uni. First time ever. Sigh. I'm slowly recovering now... should be 100% good tomorrow. Today, head was still cloudy, though stomach is 100%. Yeah!

Second, failed my last MO prep. It was an epic sad episode because Dr. Potter broke the news to me in a really nice manner... she is one of the most gorgeous tutors. Coming from her just made me feel doubly sad. Also, my hopes were brought up by other tutors/people saying that I may actually have a chance of passing, so failing just made everything crash down harder. I don't know, I was really hoping to get into clinic for resto next week I guess. I'll just have to pass next week to get in after the study break. Sigh, again.

Third, going through the next cycle of PMS. Therefore more emotional, therefore hating falling sick, therefore complaining a lot about little things (that I even get annoyed at myself for doing so), therefore crying a lot more easily. Watched Slumdog Millionaire, cried. Failed optech, cried. Felt like a failure, cried.

Forth, it's on the up side. Teehee... note the last 3 complaints? PMS dammit. Now for the up side of this week. Despite the sickness, cloudiness, blurriness, I managed to get 2 very nice compliments from tutors on my work. One was yesterday, when Terry told me I based a cast very nicely, requiring minimal trimming and the impression was easily taken off (YEAH!); and one was today, when an endo tutor said I prepared my access cavity very nicely... she even asked if I did it myself or a tutor helped me. Teehee. Those were moments that lit up my day. (I value my dentistry to much that everything becomes personal... that's why I don't take failing very well.

So not used to getting compliments, just criticism. Not necessarily constructive ones either.

I guess I need to learn to forget negative things and focus on the positive. I should value compliments more and not just let it slip by. People tend to remember bad/sad things, and not the happy/good things. It's because they do not hurt, so we do not remember.

I need to learn from those that hurt, and make them unhurt; then feel good about those that are pleasant... just feeling it for what it is.

I've known this as something I should do for a long time... easier said than done though.

Also... recently I've been expecting/hoping very hard that certain things would happen to me. They seem to happen to everyone else so easily... so I just wanted a taste myself. Another human trait- wanting what you don't have. Sigh, need to learn to just let things be and go with the flow. Expecting too much just leads to unnecessarily disappointment and emotional drama.

I should just enjoy things that happen, learn from things that happen, accept those pleasant surprises... instead of desiring them so hard to make myself feel so... ... can't even find the word for it.

So many lessons to put into practice... I know I should do it... it's just so hard.

Grow up Hui.

Today just to clear my mind and hopefully get my 100% health back, I jogged into the city. Well, not quite, but a little bit pass the Swan Brewery, nearly under the bridge. It was really nice jogging by the river on Mounts Bay Road. Following the jog, I walked into the city, around the Bell Tower (and checked out the waste-of-money Farris Wheel on the way, another urgh of the week) and along the river once again. Then turning back, looking at the sunset, I bussed home from the city. Too many mosquitos to risk jogging home.

Utterly pleasant.

Also... been introduced to George Nozuka by Belle, who's an awesome ballad R&B Canadian mix Japanese singer. His song, Talk To Me, has been on repeat on my ipod for some time now. Really recommend it. Here are lyrics of the chorus:

Talk to me, talk to me 
Am I doing this right? 
Talk to me, talk to me 
Are you feelin alright? 
I've been waiting for this my whole life 
And here you are tonight 
I've been waiting for this my whole life 
And I can see it in your eyes 
Are you ready to stay the whole night? 
To see the morning light? 
I've been waiting 
And waiting,and waiting 
My whole life

Ahhh... these joys of life... I should value and enjoy.

Hui Hui ^^b